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Post the funniest thing you saw on the Internets today


amenditman

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Now if they asked cats . . . whole different story. I'm the meanest person in the world because I won't rise at 3 am to dispense breakfast. Equally severe about games played on my pillow at the same hour.

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securitybreach

Yup. The best comparison between dogs and cats is dogs are in love with you while cats are like a roommate that puts up with your crap.

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securitybreach

If cats were bigger, they would "play" with us until we died and then just walk off like they do other species. My cat kills lots of lizards but doesnt bother eating them. She slaps them around and bites on them until they are dead, then walks off like nothing happened.

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securitybreach

Cinco De Mayo falling on a Taco Tuesday ruined by a mexican beer. What are the odds??

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Years ago actor Michael Caine was on the Tonight Show with Johnny Carson. Carson asked Caine about what exactly was “British Humor”, and Caine gave him this example:

A man comes home early from work to find his wife in bed with his three best friends. He looks at them and exclaims, “Wots this!?! ‘ello, ‘ello, ‘ello!”

His wife looks up at him and says, “Well aren’t you going to say ‘ello to me?”

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abarbarian

I was just mooochin around the net an found,

 

 

Candlelit vigil planned to honour executed Newcastle cow Bessie'A little prayer' for bovine victim of Northumbria Police marksmen

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The animal was taken out by firearms operatives "in the interests of public safety", following a chase involving "more than 15 police vehicles, a helicopter hovering overhead, and three or four officers in sniper gear", according to one witness.

 

 

Wearable tech for HORNY COWS: Biz slurps £3m for bovine arousal detectorsI say, Cletus, that there Daisy's getting hot under the collar...

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On a customer testimonials page, farmers described their excitement at being able to plot their cows' sex lives in intimate detail.

 

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Before wearable technology came along, farmers used to rely on traditional techniques to decide how horny their herd is. According to this rundown of signs that a cow is getting amorous, you should probably start to close the gate if Daisy starts trying to mount you. Likewise, if she's acting restlessly or mooing a lot, sexy time has started. Be very afraid. ®

 

 

Glastonbury debuts festival wide Wi-Fi network - fitted to COWSA moo-ving moment in Somerset shindig's history


 

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At the first Glastonbury festival in 1970 revellers were greeted with free milk, whereas nowadays they are more interested in free Wi-Fi and designer yurts.

With this in mind, it could be argued that the Wi-Fi cows are emblematic of the music festival's shift from being a love-in for long hairs to a corporate branding exercise of stratospheric proportions.

 

 

Ok the last one is more nostalgia but I thought I would milk the idea a tad. 🤣

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securitybreach
1 hour ago, abarbarian said:

 

Jeez, what did they think was going to happen?

 

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The animal was taken out by firearms operatives "in the interests of public safety", following a chase involving "more than 15 police vehicles, a helicopter hovering overhead, and

three or four officers in sniper gear", according to one witness.

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abarbarian
5 hours ago, securitybreach said:

 

Jeez, what did they think was going to happen?

 

 

My best guess is they have watched too many american cop movies whilst the lock down is in place.

 

https://www.theregister.co.uk/2015/05/19/northumbria_police_20_cars_helicopter_armed_units_kill_one_errant_cow/


 

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Northumbria Police scrambled a helicopter, up to 20 cars and firearms officers to deal with one brown cow which was located in a field near the Coast Road.

The large domesticated ungulate, according to police, was in a highly distressed state and was considered by them to be a “significant risk” to members of the public and motorists. Bystanders said the cow was not moving.

Gun-toting cops at the scene decided to shoot the cow, although it is unclear how rapidly this decision was reached.

 

 

To be fair the escapee cow was in a field next to a very busy road  and could have caused a major pile up. Two of the escapees were still at large after the incident. 😂

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V.T. Eric Layton

Hey! American Po-Po don't shoot defenseless animals. They shoot defenseless people!

 

/sarcasm

 

Oh, darn. I bet the Scot's Po-Po are gonna' hide this reply. ;)

 

 

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securitybreach
On 5/7/2020 at 6:25 PM, V.T. Eric Layton said:

Hey! American Po-Po don't shoot defenseless animals. They shoot defenseless people!

 

/sarcasm

 

Oh, darn. I bet the Scot's Po-Po are gonna' hide this reply. ;)

 

 

 

They do a little of both. About 10 years ago in Alabama, some moron State Trooper seen a deer on federal land and thought it was a good idea to the shoot the deer from outside of his squad car's window:

 

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TUSCUMBIA — Former Muscle Shoals police officer Greg Scoggins was found guilty Tuesday of hunting without permission when he killed a deer on Tennessee Valley Authority property in December.The other two charges against Scoggins — reckless endangerment and hunting with the aid of a motor vehicle — were dismissed by Colbert County District Judge Chad Coker, who made his decision after a more than three-hour hearing Tuesday.In making his ruling, Coker said he was convinced that on Dec. 23, “you shot that deer and you knew better.”

 

Scoggins, 47, was ordered to pay a $1,000 fine and court costs. The charge is a misdemeanor. Scoggins’ attorney, Billy Underwood, had moved to dismiss all three charges before the judge’s ruling. He maintained there was no proof of reckless endangerment and no proof that Scoggins fired the shot that killed the deer from his patrol car. He contended the case should have been a federal case, not a state one, because TVA is federal property.

 

https://www.timesdaily.com/news/local/ex-officer-found-guilty/article_7e78f0de-cd8c-11e2-8faa-10604b9f6eda.html

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