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I'm starting this thread to provide any member of the SFNL Forum, from Premium Member to cheap parasitic lurker, a place to turn when you need some really bad advice. For instance; you know already you're going to put that pci card in wrong, fry the card, damage the board. Wouldn't it be nice to be able to say, "Well, that stupid jeber. I can't believe it. I did it just the way he said to. And look at this.". You post your questions here, and I'll give you the most rediculous, impossible or just plain dumb, answer I can come up with. I will spend moments in research regarding your question. I will consult an unspecified number of experts in the field (providing I can get out there) and even look at a web page or two on subjects relating, in perhaps not a direct way, to your question. Then I will distill all that wisdom down into a few, understandable, fact-filled sentences...then ignore all that and just make up something. Let's face it, most of what you read in SFNL forums is so...so...helpful. It's good, sometimes great advice and conversation. But you want to do something so truely stupid that even you are impressed with the enormity of it all, and you need someone to support your delusions. You don't even want good advice. You want company. You're my kind of people.Welcome.

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Guest LilBambi

Jeber --Great idea!Now .... let's see ..... how can I start this off ..... hmmmmmmm ... OK ... here goes ....I have this old computer ... it's got a 486 MB and all I have are these DDR RAM chips!It needs more memory, or something! How am I supposed to get these chips into these tiny RAM slots! :D HEHEHE!!! :blink: :lol: oops ... I am supposed to be serious ... Bambi ... stop that laughing! HEHEHE!!! :lol: :lol:

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Guest ComputerBob

I have one of those "infinite loop, smoke coming out of Jeber's head as he melts down" kind of questions:Jeber, knowing that you provide only bad advice, should I follow your advice?

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Take my bad advice Jeber, and answer ComputerBob's question.I spent 9 days setting up my computer to download as much as it could of a Knoppix-Clone while I went to bed... the 421 MB download is now complete. Should I burn the image to a cd and try to boot from it, or delete it and start over because a download resumed that many times must be gigo anyway...? :unsure:

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Cripes, guys, take a number!!

It needs more memory, or something!
It needs more Something. Forget the memory, Something's more important. Take out all the memory and install at least 1065 nanoMegaWatts of Something. If you can't afford that much of Something at present, you can substitute high quality, bi-polar Other. So my advice, add Something or Other. Lots of it.
why hasn't someone answered my BeOS question?
The people that used exclusively, and knew intimately, the BEos are all resting quietly in homes now and aren't allowed to use computers anymore.
knowing that you provide only bad advice, should I follow your advice?
Of course! It's only bad advice. The kind we usually give ourselves when faced with a problem beyond our abilities, usually in an effort to save money. You can do the things I suggest. But not if I'm standing next to you. :unsure:
Should I burn the image to a cd and try to boot from it, or delete it and start over because a download resumed that many times must be gigo anyway...?
Neither. CD's are a passing phase, a fad. Stick with the time proven floppy disk. Copy the files over to floppy disks (you should qualify for bulk prices) then boot from the boot disks, which I believe will be one through 42.Yikes, it's stryder. I'll hide behind the bar.................. :ph34r:
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What can I do with my old BeOs and WinME's OS floppies and cd's? They must be good for something. :unsure: Oh, and those 100meg Zip disks too.

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Hypothetical......lets just say I have a neighbor......lets say this neighbor just bought the house next door about a year ago. Lets say this neighbor likes to nit pick about ANYTHING he can. Example: He mows his grass on a friday morning, by friday evening this guy is making comments about my grass needing cut. If he trims a shrub....my shrubs are now looking "unmanaged". When he raked the leaves in his yard last fall, he made it almost 18 hours before telling me my yard was an eye-sore. If he buys new tires for his car, my tires are now a "death trap". It never ends......While on more than one occasion he was informed to take a flying..... er, uh.... aeronautical act of pro-creation, it has had no effect. So my question is this, exactly when does beating him with a shovel and burying the guy in the backyard become ok?This is all hypothetical of course.
Oooh.. I can answer that one. Yesterday.
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Guest ComputerBob
knowing that you provide only bad advice, should I follow your advice?
Of course! It's only bad advice. The kind we usually give ourselves when faced with a problem beyond our abilities, usually in an effort to save money. You can do the things I suggest. But not if I'm standing next to you. :unsure:
I see what you're saying: I should NOT follow your advice. Because, if it was a good idea to follow your advice, then your bad advice reply would have recommended that I not follow your advice.So, I guess I should follow your advice from now on and not follow your advice. Or not follow your advice and follow it. Or have one of those huge headaches that starts above my left eye...
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Guest LilBambi
Cripes, guys, take a number!!
It needs more memory, or something!
It needs more Something. Forget the memory, Something's more important. Take out all the memory and install at least 1065 nanoMegaWatts of Something. If you can't afford that much of Something at present, you can substitute high quality, bi-polar Other. So my advice, add Something or Other. Lots of it.
Thank you oh, mighty Jeber .... I just knew it needed Something or Other! :unsure: I can see we will need one of those Deli or DMV ticker number takers any minute now :ph34r:
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Guest LilBambi
Hypothetical......lets just say I have a neighbor......lets say this neighbor just bought the house next door about a year ago. Lets say this neighbor likes to nit pick about ANYTHING he can. Example: He mows his grass on a friday morning, by friday evening this guy is making comments about my grass needing cut. If he trims a shrub....my shrubs are now looking "unmanaged". When he raked the leaves in his yard last fall, he made it almost 18 hours before telling me my yard was an eye-sore. If he buys new tires for his car, my tires are now a "death trap". It never ends......While on more than one occasion he was informed to take a flying..... er, uh.... aeronautical act of pro-creation, it has had no effect. So my question is this, exactly when does beating him with a shovel and burying the guy in the backyard become ok?This is all hypothetical of course.
Stryder --Hypothetically speaking of course, I agree wholeheartedly with L_P !!! :) :) :unsure: :ph34r:
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Guest LilBambi
knowing that you provide only bad advice, should I follow your advice?
Of course! It's only bad advice. The kind we usually give ourselves when faced with a problem beyond our abilities, usually in an effort to save money. You can do the things I suggest. But not if I'm standing next to you. :unsure:
I see what you're saying: I should NOT follow your advice. Because, if it was a good idea to follow your advice, then your bad advice reply would have recommended that I not follow your advice.So, I guess I should follow your advice from now on and not follow your advice. Or not follow your advice and follow it. Or have one of those huge headaches that starts above my left eye...
Illogical, Illogical ... Norman, coordinate! :ph34r:
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exactly when does beating him with a shovel and burying the guy in the backyard become ok?
As to "when", i agree with L_P. But your method leaves a lot to be desired. Don't you ever watch those forensic science shows on Discovery? The shovel is always the first thing they check, for blood and fingerprints. You could wear gloves, but they affect your grip. You know, violence never solved anything. Well, ok, violence has solved a lot of things, but in your hypothetical (yea, right) situation, I think violence would be too quick and less satisfying for you. Here's an idea, hypothetical, of course. Start by subscribing him to every periodical that you can find a blow-out card for. Call Goodwill in his name and donate everything he owns to them, and schedule pickup for a day when he's at work. The next time he asks for computer help, install a backdoor on his system so you can remote access his machine, then download as much porn through his computer as his hard disk will hold. Visit every site you've ever been told to avoid, and freely give out his email address. I'm sure the members here will add their suggestions for mayhem . I'm betting there'll be more on this topic.So how'd you find me? :unsure:
What can I do with my old BeOs and WinME's OS floppies and cd's? They must be good for something
Floppy's can be used to balance out the legs on your dining-room table. The CD's. hung in a tree, will scare birds away from the fruit (note: AOL CD's can be used to scare away everything, vampires, bears...)
So, I guess I should follow your advice from now on and not follow your advice. Or not follow your advice and follow it.
Yes, exactly.
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GolfProRM

Don't forget to call (using your Neighbor's name) your local Mormon church and inform them that you would like more information about their church. This is a sure-fire way to make sure he'll get more mail (and more visits) than he'll know what to do with :unsure:(Don't mean to offend any momons on this board, don't have anything against the religion :ph34r: )

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Guest LilBambi
Jeber, thanks for the advice. I was only going the shovel route because I thought it would save some steps. Kinda like hitting the "Windows key and the E key". But I like you ideas better. Look out Dear Abby.....here comes "Jeber's Really Bad Advice".
B) B) :)
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jbredmound

Jeber's right...the shovel is a bad idea. If you beat him with a colonoscope, (flexible or non-flexible), followed by putting it where it belongs, it will be years before the police even figure out what to investigate, and you will have the satisfaction of knowing that they had to look for prints.This solution is politically incorrect, but anatomically precise. Plus, you can satisfy that dream of being a gastroenterologist vicariously. B)

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colonoscope, (flexible or non-flexible)
You mean they make them FLEXIBLE?? That dirty rotten low down snake-in-the-grass doctor of mine. Why, I'm gonna.... :D
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jbredmound

OK, we have a bunch of rank amatuers here..."Dear JB"...if you want to remove blood stains from a shovel, the best bet is a hydrogen peroxide soak. However, this will not remove the DNA traces, so you may wind up as a barracaded suspect. However, if you do the peroxide soak, burn the shovel, and then mail the remains to a random address in New York City, you will have probably covered your tracks fairly well.Whatever you do, do not flee to any Mid-eastern countries, as they are now dredging up criminals from 20 years ago (including the Achilli Lauro mastermind), and you would probably be next.My best suggestion...hold up at Disney World...pick the Magic Kingdom over the Evil Empire(s).Orrr...hire some ex-con to do your maintenence; if your neighbor says anything to him, it will be his last complaint, one way or the other.

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jbredmound's on to something here...hire a bi-polar ex-con (NOT white collar) as your neighbor's maintenance man through a third party not traceable back to you. I should try to give you a practical solution to your problem...Go to your neighbor and explain to him in a humble and cooperative manner just how his behavior annoys you. Let him know that you're not in compitition with him, and would appreciate it if you both could just get along. Offer to go along with any suggestion he makes.Wait 'till his back is turned, then hit him with the shovel. Follow jbredmound's advice.

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Temmu

@jeber, or anyone actually, with sound advice.my sony coffee mug holder retracted suddenly after a lightning strike. :) i'm afraid that some spilt inside my pc's case. it had cream and sugar in it.to make matters worse, when i took it outside and washed it out with the garden hose, it made a slight pop-crackle noise, kinda like something cooled off way too quick. but even though i drained it out real good before plugging it back in, it still doesn't start, and worse, the coffee mug holder won't extend anymore. :lol: i have a real important term paper in there somewhere and it's due friday, any ideas on how to get it out? ;)

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jbredmound

Did you wash out the computer with the garden hose. This is a "disk cleanup utility" that is often overlooked (along with wet vacs).If this doesn't work, you could call in the Hostage Negotiator from your local law enforcement agency, and see if he/she could work something out with your box.Another option would be to spill black coffee into the unit, hoping that it will bind to the cream and sugar and release the mojo.All else failing, you could withdraw from the course for this semester and spend more time in bars, chasing women, or computer shopping. :lol:

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GolfProRM

To get your term paper out, I recommend taking the plastic cover off your PC... If you break anything, oh well, but if you get it all torn apart, and can't find your paper, that means someone else pulled it out first... Check all your classmates' PCs and see if you can find a copy of your paper there... my guess is one of them stole it. If this is the case, see the above posts for how to take care of the culprit (see: shovel).If your paper is somehow still in there, you're all set... of course in any case, you're going to have to make a trip to the store to get you a new PC... there's even a few models out there with support for multiple cups now!!! :lol:

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Forget the term paper, tell prof/teach the dog ate it. The important thing is to get the cup holder working again. You're young yet but you'll learn to prioritize tasks as you grow older. :) Try hitting the box with a framing hammer, that might jar the cup holder loose. Or try to pry it open with a tire iron, sometimes that works. Usually, after something like this happens, the cup holder will only work in manual mode but if you gob some axle grease on the tracks it'll be easier to slide it open and closed. Hope this helps. :)

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Temmu

tried the tire iron, and yep, my pc opened right up. nothing of value in there, judging by appearances!and that axel grease just got my hands gooky, the mug holder remains beligerantly uncooperative.... by the way, in the dean's office.something about, 'what are you doing in that computer lab with a shovel?!?' ...oops better log off his pc...hope he doesn't notice the axel grease on his keyboard!

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You got some some great advice there, but I should've warned you...once damaged, the coffeecup- holder will never work right again. Throw away the computer. It's useless anyway without the use of the cup holder. Buy a new computer. Open the cup holder. Now go into the box and unplug the power to the cup-holder drive. Now the holder will always be available. Note: this technique doesn't work as well on laptops.

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Guest LilBambi

LOL! OK, picking myself up off the floor again!This thread should come with some sort of warning for sure! It is way too funny!And by the way, just take a paper clip to the itsy bitsy hole in the front of that cup holder and it will pop right open for ya. Course at this point, a new cupholder might be in order since the holder for the cupholder is a goner! :D

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