Bad Humorous Writing Awards

[Specmon]

Winners of the "Best Bad Humorous Analogy Contest" in theWashington Post Style Invitational Column:She caught your eye like one of those pointy hook latches thatused to dangle from screen doors and would fly up whenever youbanged the door open again.The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way abowling ball wouldn't.McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty Bagfilled with vegetable soup.From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had aneerie, surreal quality, like when you're on vacation in anothercity and "Jeopardy" comes on at 7 p.m. instead of 7:30.Her hair glistened in the rain like nose hair after a sneeze.Her eyes were like two brown circles with big black dots in thecenter.Bob was as perplexed as a hacker who means to accessT:flw.quid55328.com\aaakk/ch@ung but getsT:\flw.quidaaakk/ch@ung by mistakeHer vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.He was as tall as a six-foot-three-inch tree.The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots whenyou fry them in hot grease.Her date was pleasant enough, but she knew that if her life was amovie this guy would be buried in the credits as something like"Second Tall Man."Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers racedacross the grassy field toward each other like two freighttrains, one having left Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. traveling at55mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19 p.m. at a speed of 35 mph.The politician was gone but unnoticed, like the period after theDr. on a Dr Pepper can.They lived in a typical suburban neighborhood with picket fencesthat resembled Nancy Kerrigan's teethJohn and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds whohad also never met.The thunder was ominous-sounding, much like the sound of a thinsheet of metal being shaken backstage during the storm scene in aplay.His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking allianceslike underpants in a dryer without Cling Free.He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, likea guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse withoutone of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around thecountry speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking ata solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it.

[BoardFlak]

This thread is as humorous as one of those things that make you laugh when you read them.