A Little Humor

[Gary]

[henderrob]

ya can't always get what you want!

[iajoe]

EuroEnglish (The language of the new millenium)-----------------------------------------------The European Commissioners have announced that an agreement has beenreached to adopt English as the preferred language for Europeancommunications, rather than German, which was the other possibility.As part of the negotiations, Her Majesty's Government conceded thatEnglish spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a five-yearphased plan for what will be known as EuroEnglish (Euro for short). In the first year, "s" will be used instead of the soft "c". Sertainley, sivil servants will resieve this news with joy. Also, the hard "c" will be replaced with "k". Not only will this klear up konfusion, but typewriters and komputers kan have one less letter. There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year, when the troublesome "ph" will be replaced by "f". This will makewords like "fotograf" 20 percent shorter. In the third year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible. Governments will enkorage the removal of double letters, which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling. Also, al wil agre that the horible mes of silent "e"s in the languag is disgrasful, and they would go. By the fourth year, peopl wil be replasing "th" by "z" and "w" by "v". During ze fifz year, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd from vords kontaining "ou", and similar changes vud of kors be aplid to ozer kombinations of leters. After zis fifz yer, ve vil hav a reli sensibl riten styl. Zer vil be no mor trubls or difikultis and evrivun vil find itezi tu understand ech ozer. Ze drem vil finali kum tru.------------

[Guest LilBambi]

oten ze lights wil finali be ze zing

[havnblast]

sheeesh what is the deal with all the Rolling Stones jokes lately? Someone got a grudge?

[Specmon]

How about "The Man Code"

~~ The Man Code ~~The universal compensation for buddies who help you move is beer.Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice ofpizza, but not both. That's just plain mean.B*tching about the brand of free beer in a buddy's refrigeratoris forbidden. You may gripe if the temperature is unsuitable.Any man who brings a camera to a bachelor party may be legallykilled and eaten by his fellow party goers.Women who claim they "love to watch sports" must be treated asspies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and theability to pick a buffalo wing clean.If a buddy is outnumbered, out manned, or too drunk to fight, youmust jump into the fight. Exception: If within the last 24 hourshis actions have caused you to think, "What this guy needs is agood ass-whoopin", then you may sit back and enjoy.Unless he murdered someone in your immediate family, you mustbail a friend out of jail within 12 hours.The minimum amount of time you have to wait for another guy who'srunning late is 5 minutes. For a woman, you are required to wait10 minutes for every point of hotness she scores on the classic1-10 scale.No man is ever required to buy a birthday present for anotherman. In fact, even remembering a friend's birthday is strictlyoptional and slightly gay.Agreeing to distract the ugly friend of a hot babe your buddy istrying to hook up with is your legal duty. Should you get carriedaway with your good deed and end up having Sex with the beast,your pal is forbidden to speak of it, even at your bachelorparty.Before dating a buddy's ex, you are required to ask hispermission and he, in return is required to grant it.If a man's zipper is down, that's his problem you didn't seenothin'.When stumbling upon other guys watching a sports event, you mayalways ask the score of the game in progress, but you may neverask who's playing.It is permissible to consume a fruity chick drink only whenyou're sunning on a tropical beach... and it's delivered by atopless super model...and it's free.Unless you're in prison, never fight naked.A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman mustremain sober enough to fight.If you compliment a guy on his six-pack, you better be referringto his beer.Never join your girlfriend/wife in dissing a buddy, except whenshe's withholding sex pending your response.Never talk to a man in the bathroom unless you're on equalfooting: either both urinating or both waiting in line. In allother situations, a nod is all the conversation you need.If a buddy is already singing along to a song in the car, you maynot join him...too gay.""Thou shall not rent the movie "Chocolat"Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella._________________________________________________

[epp_b]

sheeesh what is the deal with all the Rolling Stones jokes lately?

They're just too easy to make fun of

[havnblast]

great list there Specmon

[Specmon]

NEW TV A farmer finally decided to buy a television set. The store assured him that they would install the antenna and TV the next day. The next evening the farmer turned on his new TV and found only political ads on every channel. The next morning he turned the TV on and found only political ads again. When he came in to eat lunch he tried the TV again but still only found political ads.The next day when he still found only political ads he called the store to complain. The owner said that it was impossible for every channel to only have political ads, but agreed to send their repairman to check the TV.When the TV repairman turned on the TV he found that the farmer was right. After looking at the TV for a while he went outside to check the antenna. In a few minutes he returned and told the farmer he had found the problem. The antenna had been installed on top of the windmill and grounded to the manure spreader.