dryhumor Posted July 22, 2003 Share Posted July 22, 2003 The latest (7-21-03) LangaList has this "spoof of Linux" in the Just for Grins column:http://www.langa.com/newsletters/2003/2003...03-07-21.htm#10If Linux was a car...Sense of Humor required!M: Hey Pete, Can you help me put a radio in my Debian?P: You're an Idiot, read the manual!M: I need more help than that.P: You're an idiot! I did a Google search. It's in the page referenced by the footnote in the 37th hit. If I could find it, so can you.GS: (good Samaritan) You need to rebuild the engine to add a radio.M: Rebuild the engine?P: You're an idiot!GS: There's a how-to. It's written for a "Hat", but it's mostly correct except that engine is in the rear. It's translated from German, but they did a pretty good job. It'll tell you to hook the radio to the red and black wires, but since you've got a Debian, there won't be any red and black wires. And you still need to write the radio driver. Don't forget to regrind the camshaft. If you don't, you'll get an error message that you don't have permission to change the tire pressure, but it's the camshaft. You'll need a lot of tools, but you can get them for free. Most of them come with instructions... about 900 pages in all. Read 'em all carefully and understand 'em before you start. Should be able to figure it all out in a couple of months.[MUCH LATER...]M: Hey Pete, I didn't get all the stuff I needed to rebuild my engine. Can I borrow your Drake again?P: The wife has the Drake, but you can borrow the Hat.M: This is different. Where's the steering wheel?P: That dashboard was really using a lot of gas. This has what is called a CLI. Just type CTRL-L to go left and CTRL-R to go right.M: What about the gas and brakes?P: That's all combined into a single speed number. Just type ps | grep speed. The headings are in Klingon, but the third number is the one you want. Just divide by the speed of light to get meters/second. You'll have to parse it out, calculate the new speed and use the nice function to change the priority of the process. That changes the speed. If you had just read the manpage, I wouldn't have had to tell you all that.M: Which manpage?....never mind... What if I need to stop in a hurry?P: Gotcha covered. There's a script for panic stops. Just type PanicStop-3.8.63278665-HAT when=now. It will ask you for a password. Enter the password and hang on cause you're gonna stop real quick. I'm really proud of the deceleration optimization routine. Be careful typing, it's case sensitive. If it gives you a cryptic error message and doesn't stop, it's probably because you forgot to add yourself to the brakes group. It's all in the manpage.M: Which manpage?....never mind...[MUCH, MUCH LATER....]M: I wish I hadn't sold my Gates. At least I could drive it to town and pick up Granny....P: You're an idiot!..... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SonicDragon Posted July 22, 2003 Share Posted July 22, 2003 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
greengeek Posted July 22, 2003 Share Posted July 22, 2003 Lucky we penguins have a sense of humour! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zox Posted July 22, 2003 Share Posted July 22, 2003 Hilarious but so close to truth Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AbeL Posted July 22, 2003 Share Posted July 22, 2003 Hilarious but so close to truth  Indeed, close to the truth, except in THIS forum where we are fortunate to have friendly, helpful penguins Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nlinecomputers Posted July 22, 2003 Share Posted July 22, 2003 Nah! Your an Idiot! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AbeL Posted July 22, 2003 Share Posted July 22, 2003 In case any of you wonder want the dialog would be like in this forum, try the following, with apologize to all members who are alluded to. Additions to the original in red.If Linux was a car...Sense of Humor required!M: Hey Pete, Can you help me put a radio in my Debian?P: You're an Idiot, read the manual! S - This is a friendly group; we don't allow any name calling 'round here!M: I need more help than that.P: You're an idiot! I did a Google search. It's in the page referenced by the footnote in the 37th hit. If I could find it, so can you. S - I told you once about name calling. One more time and you're banned!GS: (good Samaritan) You need to rebuild the engine to add a radio.M: Rebuild the engine?P: You're an idiot! S - Strike 3!!!GS: There's a how-to. It's written for a "Hat", but it's mostly correct except that engine is in the rear. It's translated from German, but they did a pretty good job. It'll tell you to hook the radio to the red and black wires, but since you've got a Debian, there won't be any red and black wires. And you still need to write the radio driver. Don't forget to regrind the camshaft. If you don't, you'll get an error message that you don't have permission to change the tire pressure, but it's the camshaft. You'll need a lot of tools, but you can get them for free. Most of them come with instructions... about 900 pages in all. Read 'em all carefully and understand 'em before you start. Should be able to figure it all out in a couple of months.B - Not to worry - I'll hold your hand as we do a step-by-step. First, (ap)get your tools. You'll need soldering iron, wire strippers, cutters…H - Don't forget the recip-saw, and the touch-up paint.T - Radio install? I'm going to the beach.Q - Now that's funny![MUCH LATER...]M: Hey Pete, I didn't get all the stuff I needed to rebuild my engine. Can I borrow your Drake again?P: The wife has the Drake, but you can borrow the Hat. S - Wait a minute, I said you're banned!M: This is different. Where's the steering wheel? S - Who's he talking to?P: That dashboard was really using a lot of gas. This has what is called a CLI. Just type CTRL-L to go left and CTRL-R to go right. S - Banned means BANNED! Now shut…Whoops, almost lost my temper...be quiet!M: What about the gas and brakes? P: That's all combined into a single speed number. Just type ps | grep speed. The headings are in Klingon, but the third number is the one you want. Just divide by the speed of light to get meters/second. You'll have to parse it out, calculate the new speed and use the nice function to change the priority of the process. That changes the speed. If you had just read the manpage, I wouldn't have had to tell you all that.B - No, no. Too complicated. Don't use the GUI.M: Which manpage?....never mind... What if I need to stop in a hurry?P: Gotcha covered. There's a script for panic stops. Just type PanicStop-3.8.63278665-HAT when=now. It will ask you for a password. Enter the password and hang on cause you're gonna stop real quick. I'm really proud of the deceleration optimization routine. Be careful typing, it's case sensitive. If it gives you a cryptic error message and doesn't stop, it's probably because you forgot to add yourself to the brakes group. It's all in the manpage.M: Which manpage?....never mind...B - Why doesn't anyone listen to me???![MUCH, MUCH LATER....]M: I wish I hadn't sold my Gates. At least I could drive it to town and pick up Granny....P: You're an idiot!..... S - That's it! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BarryB Posted July 22, 2003 Share Posted July 22, 2003 AbelLike the additions...Kind of "Good Penguin..Bad Penguin" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
henderrob Posted July 23, 2003 Share Posted July 23, 2003 I enjoyed the barbs . Still, I betcha Fred gets flamed to toast. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nlinecomputers Posted July 23, 2003 Share Posted July 23, 2003 I can see it now. 200,000 emails to Fred that all say:Your an Idiot! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
havnblast Posted July 23, 2003 Share Posted July 23, 2003 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
teacher Posted July 24, 2003 Share Posted July 24, 2003 I love it - even if it is too overcast to go to the beach today! (Someone has to be a beach bum!) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
imranj Posted July 24, 2003 Share Posted July 24, 2003 Eeesh...........i was just thinking to post this joke and saw it already.........but i would like to say initially i was treated just like that personwho wanted some help with his car running debian, i consider such a behaviour as very hostile for a newbie....... Anyways..........this joke is realy cool one. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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