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Some nice folks asked me for advice on building their new computer. The finished product works really well. I know I told them everything I knew about building a computer, and I'm sure they followed my advice to the letter, but looking at the finished product I just can't help think that something's missing. I can't quite put my finger on it, but I figure if I study the photo they sent me long enough it will come to me. ;) nc.gif

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Wow, more fanmail. I'm really humbled by the number of computer users (well, to be honest, former computer users) who have written (real letters, since email isn't exactly an option for them any longer) and sent photos of the projects they've completed following my not-exactly-copyrighted-but-don't-let-me-catch-anyone-stealing-my advice.One happy jeber-reader sent my this picture of his new server room and a server constructed according to my suggestions for saving space on the desktop.hangingpc.gif

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:lol:the first one looks like its ready to be dipped in something... and the second one looks like it could really hang in there... :hysterical: dear jeber:when i use my pc, it smells like fried chicken.any suggestions?thanks,temmu the curious

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Quit buying your parts on the cheap from that kid that works at the KFC. Spend a little extra money and get them from the freight guy at Fry's (outside the back door, 7am, cash only) like all reputable computer builders do.

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  • 3 weeks later...

Computer Terminology and AcronymsCPU - The more you use your computer, the more cr*p piles up inside. Cr*p on your hard drive, cr*p in memory, even dust bunny cr*p in the case. To refer to all this garbage, we use the acronym CPU, for Cr*p Piling Up.SYSTEM BUS - You've all heard that the internet is called the "information highway". Well, you can't very well walk on a highway, you need a vehicle. Let's all get aboard the system bus and ride the world-wide information highway. When you're well-known on the internet, you get to ride in the short bus. You can all be my guests, it leaves from the 4th Street depot at 6:00am.BUS SPEED - Even on the information highway there are laws. You can't throw cigarette butts out the window, you can't drive in the emergency lane and you aren't allowed to speed. To maintain equal access to all the marvelous stops along the way, speed has to regulated. Some drivers have Porsche-like DSL connections while others are still plugging along on their Nash Rambler-dialup connection. For this reason internet speed is limited to 55 MPH, which translates in techy terms to about 27.6 kajillion bits every 2½ weeks.NORTH/SOUTH BRIDGE - Information (data in tech talk) travels every which way across your motherboard (the big green thing inside your computer that supports all the other devices, which is why it's called a mother board). It's a zoo. There's no organization, no order, no reason. This is why Windows works so well on modern computers. Every so often information crosses paths with other information. For example, a YouTube video is racing (at 27.6kjb/2½wks) toward your monitor connection while the audio from it is headed toward your speaker plug. If they collided, it would be chaos. You might get bits of audio on your monitor and wind up hearing a dog on a skateboard. To prevent this, pioneering geeks devised an information bridge, so traffic could bypass other traffic and collisions would be minimized (though sadly not eliminated). There's a North Bridge and a South Bridge. Little lines on the motherboard direct the data traffic toward the appropriate bridge it needs to cross to reach its final destination. It's vitally important that the North Bridge and South Bridge be properly oriented. The North Bridge should face up while the South Bridge should face down (for those of you in Australia just reverse these directions.) You may have to stand the computer case on its face to assure proper orientation. This procedure is greatly simplified if you followed my earlier advice to suspend your computer case from the ceiling with an electro-magnet. (Note: my buddy Thom still has a few 1000 watt electro-magnets for sale, guaranteed to hold a 50# case perfectly suspended above your workspace. Hurry, holiday pricing ends January 1st or when sold out) VIRTUAL COMPUTER - Just a fancy name for a notepad and pencil.GRID COMPUTING - A way of laying out the machines on your desk, primarily used by the anal retentive.MESH COMPUTING - A term devised by a hair-lipped tech for computer desktops containing over 275 shortcut icons (most of which lead to long-ago deleted programs) or browsers with at least 10 toolbars. Obvioushly a mesh.

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A recent email inquiry from a faithful reader of this column:

Dear Jeber,I have a five year old forum. It's going really well. We have a good number of regular members, a growing number of new members and what I consider the best (friendliest, most informative, most welcoming to new users) Linux forum on the internet (all the other forums we have are equally excellent). I have no intention of doing anything that would affect all of that.But I am getting bored with the blue color scheme.What do you think of pink?A faithful reader of this column.
Dear faithful,I'm not a big fan of blue either, but I'm...HEY! Wait a minute...
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Guest LilBambi

LOL!I was thinking more of cream and forest green ... the only other place that I like at least as much is the mountains but I didn't think various shades of green, brown, gray, cream, pink, purple, red, yellow, orange, black and blue, etc. would work so well on a forum theme.....What are your thoughts?

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Forest green is indeed a pleasant color. I would only be concerned about the inevitable puns about not seeing the forest for the trees.I used to like the green color of grass until I overdosed when walking through a Worst Purchase store one day past a row of computer monitors that were all displaying the Microsoft Bliss wallpaper.

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Well older people seem to like white backgrounds and the younger set always thinks that a black background is way kewl so to please EVERONE, I think we should have a black and white stripped zebra background. (Hey all the linux users would be happy because penguins are black and white).L10438791x144.pngMy apologies for the huge size. I'm in linux and know just enough to be dangerous! I haven't figured out how to resize. If someone wants to do it, please do.Later if it is still huge, I'll fire up my windows box and let Irfan do the task.No worries Liz, I created a thumbnail and hosted it on my blog for you. You can copy it to your hosting if you prefer and change the image link accordingly. --Bambi

Edited by LilBambi
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I take it you are equally unhappy with Bamboo these days now that Vista has come out?
Oh, not at all. My Bamboo works great in Vista.bamboo.png
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Temmu

o, you like! :D give me admin rights for, say, 24 hours and everything will be comming up roses, pink ones that is... :hysterical:

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In addition to my determination to bring you all the very best in bad advice, I feel it's my obligation to warn others about developing issues kept out of the mainstream media by those who wish us to remain ignorant (note: I remain ignorant by choice, but other people are kept ignorant by the suppression of information like that I'm about to reveal.)Thanks to revelations reported by whistleblowers and other independent musicians we all understand the risks imposed by our reliance on fossil fuels, especially foreign oil. Speaking scientifically, foreign oil contains many free radicals, elements that can be detrimental to our way of life in the West. Free radicals should never be liberated by the burning of foreign oil.But equally important, though never reported, is the increasing shortage of electrons available to those of us in the West since the invention of electricity.Those of us who stayed awake through most of our advanced physics classes can tell you that matter cannot be created. That means that we can't create new electrons. The more all-American electrons we use up in computers, GPS systems and such reduce the amount of electrons we have for future use. Though the studies of electron depletion have been suppressed by secret government agencies, we can speculate that at current electron-usage rates, we will exhaust our supply of domestic electrons very soon. At that point we'll have no choice but to rely of imported electrons, electrons purchased at high prices from electron-rich nations. Looking at the nations that don't use very many of their native electrons; Cuba, Chad, Greenland for example; we can see that these potential electron hoarders will have good reason to extract every last electron-dollar out of their future sales. They need cash, not electrons. And we need electrons, so we'll have to supply the cash.I'm not exaggerating when I say that being miserly with your electron usage is the highest form of patriotism. Do we want future generations of our nerdy and geeky children to be subject to the outrageous demands of Greenlanders? Do we want our electronic gadgets to be held hostage by electron-rich Cubans? Of course not. So measure out your electrons sparingly. Learn to be happy with 300Mhz processors and on-board video, both of which are electron economic. Give your night vision a chance to really function at its peak efficiency by leaving the lights off 24/7. Trash your TV and remember the joy of radio shows. Do all you can to preserve our remaining supply of American electrons. Further suggestions for electron preservation would be welcome.(Update: some smarty-pants just suggested to me that matter cannot be created or destroyed, but I can't verify that as it wasn't mentioned during the parts of advanced physics class I was awake for...and besides, it sounds just like the sort of misinformation those secret government agencies would want us to believe.)

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Cluttermagnet

It's even worse than that, Jeebs-Not only a shortage of electrons, but now they make the components so cheap overseas that they sometimes mispolarize themselves and let out all their smoke all at once. It's darned near impossible to put that smoke back in. Entropy, you know... They stuff the smoke in using special processes in their poorly run factories over there. Yeah, it's way worse than just the coming electron shortages- now we have to worry about smoke depletion as well. I recommend laying in an extra supply 'just in case'. B)

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I'm not exaggerating when I say that being miserly with your electron usage is the highest form of patriotism.
Another fine mess you've gotten me into, Jeber: The Telia-Cogent Spat Could Ruin the Web For Many
Dear Customer,We would like to give you the following information:Cogent has decided not to exchange traffic directly with TeliaSonera’s AS 1299 or indirectly with AS 1299 through a third-party provider. As a result, Cogent has partitioned the Internet and disrupted the flow of traffic between Cogent and TeliaSonera customers.While this has a negative impact on some users of the Internet, this effect is the result of Cogent’s decision and is unfortunately beyond TeliaSonera’s control. Until Cogent rectifies this situation, TeliaSonera customers experiencing any difficulty reaching Cogent’s network can continue to purchase IP Transit from TeliaSonera along with another Tier 1 provider. This will fix the immediate problem and ensure optimal connectivity going forward.We sincerely apologise for the inconvenience caused…If you have further concerns, please address your commercial contact at TeliaSonera
It appears that Cogent DID read - once again - what you'd written... and now the only way for me to access many of my "usual hangouts" is "via proxy" only. :thumbsup: So, Jeber... next time you wanna talk about electrons, PLEASE, PLEASE remember Wittgenstein's words: "Wovon man nicht sprechen kann, darüber muß man schweigen." B)
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Wovon man nicht sprechen kann, darüber muß man schweigen.
That's easy for you to say! :hysterical:By the way, what did he say?All I know from my Hungarian/German/PA Dutch (really PA German) background (I never learned German) is nicht=night and sprechen=speakand man means manual in linux :thumbsup: so it's something about night manuals talking... B)
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Ah, nicht is not. My non-German is even worse than suspected!

Whereof one cannot speak, thereof one must be silent.
That's never stopped me.And notice, "Wovon man nicht sprechen kann..." it says man very clearly in that phrase so that really means that only men have to be silent, not women. :hysterical:I hope I've added to your supply of useless information today.
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And notice, "Wovon man nicht sprechen kann..." it says man very clearly in that phrase so that really means that only men have to be silent, not women. :thumbsdown:
Further trivia: the German "man" (note the lower case "m") is a pronoun... a "one-size-fits-all" for "all things passive". In English you'd use one, you, we or they... for enample: man sagt = they say. A male chauvinist pig (aka a man in English) is "Mann" (note the upper case... it's a noun).Furthermore: A bear will attack a man, huh? :devil: :'( The English language doesn't have a GENDER-NEUTRAL word for "human being" (nor does French)... in Swedish, there is "människa", in German "Mensch"... and in Finnish "ihminen". And, finally... when it comes to third person singular pronouns... in Finnish, "hän" is gender-neutral.genderrs6.gif :devil:
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