Jeber Posted January 9, 2004 Author Share Posted January 9, 2004 Since you brought that up...perhaps Duke Nukem would do the job as well! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest LilBambi Posted January 9, 2004 Share Posted January 9, 2004 Yes, Quake III or Duke Nukem 3D would do nicely Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pc-tecky Posted January 9, 2004 Share Posted January 9, 2004 Hmm, and I was thinking the whole process with the claymore mine (yeah, got it right this time) was to, uhm, never to have to touch that computer again. Did you go soft or just looking for a less destructive and fresh preserving alternative? Err, no need to answer. 0 User(s) are reading this topic (0 Guests and 0 Anonymous Users) 0 Members: 735 replies since Apr 12 2003, 12:05 AMJust my luck! How strange! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jeber Posted January 9, 2004 Author Share Posted January 9, 2004 Now you're in stealth mode! Quick...go raid the cafeteria...no one will see you stealing all the sticky buns. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pc-tecky Posted January 9, 2004 Share Posted January 9, 2004 As soon as I was done posting I was suddenly visible. But hey, just in time for the weekend. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ross549 Posted January 9, 2004 Share Posted January 9, 2004 mmmmm....... stickybuns!!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pc-tecky Posted January 9, 2004 Share Posted January 9, 2004 Get you hands off my buns. Stop drooling, and ask before you take. I had to get those are great risk I'll have you know.Hmm, now why did the guard faint at the sight of the tray of stickybuns? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BoardFlak Posted January 9, 2004 Share Posted January 9, 2004 Maybe he thought you'd found the missing weapons of mass destruction......or are those weapons of mass ingestion? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest LilBambi Posted January 9, 2004 Share Posted January 9, 2004 Or at the very least, weapons of mass indigestion! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pc-tecky Posted January 9, 2004 Share Posted January 9, 2004 I thought is was mass indulgence. It just depends on what all you lace them with and how many you eat at one sitting. I'm sure five of them with all that fat and sugar laced with a little botulism would help it slide right through quite nicely and you can blame it on the egg based filling. As I watch for the tell tail signs on the faces of others: (missing sick green or red face ready to purge) :ph34r: That will teach them. Sign reads: "Take as many as you want!" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
trigggl Posted January 9, 2004 Share Posted January 9, 2004 I was so inspired by the fragging advice(why do I feel like I'm cussing?), I feel compelled to give some bad advice of my own.How about a sticky titled: "Really Bad Advice For Bored Board Beginners"? I think it would rival Bruno's Tips for Linux Explorers. It should be set up with the same format, by arranging a table of contents broken down by Topic.Computer AbuseHairbrained IdeasReality ImpairedRandom ThoughtsRequires Witness Protection ProgramMay Offend Your BossAfter finishing that Jeber, could you make me a hand written copy of "War and Peace"? But do it in ASCII binary. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jeber Posted January 20, 2004 Author Share Posted January 20, 2004 Every geek among us wants to be on the cutting edge of technology, but few have the money to indulge that desire.Have you been reading about all the latest high-tech gadgets, and wishing that there was a financially realistic way to get a few for yourself? Well, we here at Jeber Labs have been putting in some long hours lately (only 4 hours a week, but our hours are 75 minutes long) trying to develope cost-effective solutions to your geeky desire and empty bank account.For instance...several companies are producing appliances with computer screens built into them. Having a screen on the refrigerator allows you to surf the web while cooking, or create a shopping list while looking in the fridge. Very handy. Very expensive.Jeber Labs has discovered you can have this cutting edge technology at a very reasonable price, with a little work on your part. Here's what you do. Take an older laptop (these can be purchased refurbished for as little as $500, purchased from an ad in the paper for even less, or picked up for free from the airport when the businessman isn't looking). Make sure the model you use is able to be opened fully, so that the screen is level with the keyboard. Opened fully, it would look like this from the side ( -----o-----). We're going to open the laptop like that, and attach it to your existing refrigerator. This will work on any fridge with a door larger than the laptop. For you college students with your teensy dorm fridges, you may be restricted to using a PDA. There are two methods recommended for attachment. Velcro strips can be used to hold the laptop to the refrigerator door, but you may find that over time, and with repeated slamming of the refrigerator door, the velcro will loose it's holding power and will have to be frequently replaced. A more dependable solution is the use of 4" bolts. Drill a hole in each corner of the laptop, depending on blind luck not to puncture any vital componant inside. Then drill 4 matching holes in the refrigerator door. Pass the bolts through the holes and secure them with nuts on the inside of the door. Then smear some silicon around the holes you drilled, since they'll be way bigger than the diameter of the bolts you used. This is due to the common problem of geeks trying to use power tools. Use a wireless pcmcia card to connect your new kitchen (or den...how do I know where you've got your fridge?) computer to your home network and bingo. This technique can be used to attach a laptop to any appliance...though extreme caution is advised if you decide to attach it to the glass door of your microwave oven.Further results of our testing will be released as soon as our head technician returns from the hospital. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
henderrob Posted January 20, 2004 Share Posted January 20, 2004 I'd use the handyman's secret weapon... duct tape... to fasten the puter to the fridge. It's definitely slam resistant and you can still rip it off and reapply the laptop to as many surfaces as necessary in this techo-elite world. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pc-tecky Posted January 20, 2004 Share Posted January 20, 2004 Jeber,That's ingenipus. You should apply for a patent immediately on that before somebody else does. But first, what's the 1-800-2-PATENT number? (well, now that's been taken care of.... )That's such great advice. I'm surprized you didn't require just a single bolt through the middle. And with sheer blind luck not hit anyting too vital. The only problem with ductape is that dirt gets all over the tape and it leaves everything with a tacky residue feeling. And, unless you have a grey fridge, it's going to look a little strange. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Corrine Posted January 21, 2004 Share Posted January 21, 2004 Duct tape should work very well for this application. After all, it now comes in twelve colors. Thus, the user can color-coordinate with their decor! Change decor? Not to worry. Use Goo Be Gone® to remove the sticky residue before applying a new color of duct tape!Duct Tape Twelve ColorsBE - BeigeBK - BlackBL - BlueBR - BrownBU - BurgundyGR - GreenOL - OliveOR - OrangeRE - RedS - SilverWH - WhiteYL - YellowBTW, the original silver color should work quite well on the popular stainless steel appliances. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pc-tecky Posted January 21, 2004 Share Posted January 21, 2004 Well, I stand corrected. Ok, so I recall hearing something about those new colors although not exactly mainstream. Actually I know somebody who made a dress out of duct tape for a scholoarship if they made it and wore it to their high school prom. The white and red tape colors where a nice touch. And strangely, the dress looked very durable. :whistling:Just visited the site. I'm a little disappointed that they don't have the 6" or 12" wide tape listed. The camo tape is a nice touch for that hunter or military spirit within you. :( What will they come up with next? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
trigggl Posted January 21, 2004 Share Posted January 21, 2004 Speaking of cutting edge, if you want the job to look really professional, get out the sabre saw, measure once then cut twice. Cut out the outline of the fully opened laptop. Get some aircraft quality sheet metal. Cut the sheet metal into a "frame" that will fit onto the front of the puter without interfering with keyboard or screen. Find an epoxy that is stronger than either the puter or sheet metal and glue the two pieces together. After realizing that you haven't painted the sheet metal yet, get the duct tape you were going to use and mask the laptop off with it. Find a color of Rustoleom(sp) that matches the appliance and paint the sheet metal. Pull off the duct tape and clean off the residue with your favorite cleaner that will not eat the LCD screen. Get some expanding foam and spray the interior of the hole in the appliance then quickly epoxy the back of the laptop/sheet metal assembly and hold in place for 24 hours or until your arms fall off. After realizing you forgot to turn the laptop on drill a hole in the side of the appliance relying on blind luck to drill the hole in the exact spot where the power switch is making sure not to drill too far. If you accidently find the external power supply input instead, take the opportunity to use fish tape to plug in the external power supply since the batteries wont last forever. Turn on laptop. Buy food to replace what went bad in the month it took to complete the job. Enjoy. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest LilBambi Posted January 21, 2004 Share Posted January 21, 2004 Ah, yes decorator duct tape for the movable fridge computer! LOL!And of course for the permanent fixture you could use double faced mastik tape ... your arms won't fall off while waiting for the epoxy to dry ;)Great fun Jeber! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pc-tecky Posted January 21, 2004 Share Posted January 21, 2004 Buy food to replace what went bad in the month it took to complete the job.You appear to take a long time at completing projects or it takes way more than 24 hours for the epoxy to set up properly. Jeber's method does appear to be faster in setting up.Measure once, cut twice and the opening is still too big. What am I doing wrong? Oh, wait, I failed to read the entire manual. It says, "Do not attempt to install laptop into refridgerator door. Doing so voids warrantee." Oh great, , now I find out. What am I going to do now with this gaping hole in the the fridge door? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jeber Posted January 21, 2004 Author Share Posted January 21, 2004 A plexiglass window, perhaps? Cuts down on door opening to see if the leftovers have gone to mold yet. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pc-tecky Posted January 21, 2004 Share Posted January 21, 2004 Getting back to the mad scientist mode are we?? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jeber Posted January 21, 2004 Author Share Posted January 21, 2004 That's Paracelsus' job...I just dispense really bad advice. He could tell you what kind of mold it is, I'd just tell you to scrape it off before reheating the leftovers. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BoardFlak Posted January 21, 2004 Share Posted January 21, 2004 That's Paracelsus' job...I just dispense really bad advice. He could tell you what kind of mold it is, I'd just tell you to scrape it off before reheating the leftovers. Paracelsus could tell you whether you could leave it on as a tasty garnish. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
trigggl Posted January 21, 2004 Share Posted January 21, 2004 What am I going to do now with this gaping hole in the the fridge door?Tune in next week when we discuss the Seattle space saver modification. That's right, we'll discuss how to install an esspresso machine in the Fridge door.On the other hand, you could install one of those kitty doors for quick access to your favorite beverage. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jeber Posted January 31, 2004 Author Share Posted January 31, 2004 Today I thought I'd share a tweak with all of you that will make your system, no matter what you're using, run at least 50% faster and more efficiently. It doesn't require advanced knowledge. It will work equally well on a Windows PC, Linux or Mac. It works with as little as 32Mb of memory...and as much as 14Gb. It speeds up desktops and laptops alike...on a networked workstation or stand-alone home computer. It even works with any type of PDA and Gameboy. There's nothing to install, and the action can be reversed or disabled at any time.All you have to do is take a... A Public Service Announcement from Scot Finnie's Newsletter forums:"Hey, I know I had this requirement removed from my contract ...there's no way I'm going to...OK, yeah...oh, I'd forgotten about that...ummm, no, no need to post anything...I'll be glad to type out that PSA...got it right here... "All of us here at Scot Finnie's Newsletter and Amazing Forum would like to take a moment and remind our faithful Highlanders that at this time of year, it's especially important to remember the hazards of falling asleep at your computer. We all know how absolutely boring the months of January through March are. A good game of computer solitaire sure beats anything else you've done all week. There aren't even any big enough holidays to break the monotony. So it's understandable that you may be tempted to snooze during that rousing game of Solitaire. However, severe facial lacerations may result from a face plant on a 17" or better CRT. On a laptop, there's the danger that as your head makes contact with the keyboard you'll post somfgjnresjblkyt;okhgggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggg WHAT!?! Oh, sorry. I was thinking. It's dangerous...just trust us on this. After all, we're professionals. We get compensated for writing this stuff, but not with money. Nor do we do it for fame. No, we post these PSAs becase you're the public...and, uh, we want to provide you with service...and, umm, we just thought we'd announce that.Thank you for your kind attention.This has been a Public Service Announcement of the Scot Fin..."yeah, we got that"We now return you to your regularly scheduled advice......because once it's there, you'll be amazed at the difference.Well, I hope that really helps a lot of you.More next time. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
teacher Posted January 31, 2004 Share Posted January 31, 2004 Is that the future of the internet? Or was your tip so hot that was a way of censoring it? Thanks for the laugh. Julia Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jeber Posted February 29, 2004 Author Share Posted February 29, 2004 Sorry...I had to leave for a moment to tend to some personal business and...HOLY SCHMOLIES!!!!! It's been 2 months since I left???...I think I need to not keep a copy of War And Peace in the bathroom. You'll be pleased to hear I had an epiphany today. I really enjoyed it. You should have one. Mine was about why I was having trouble coming up with subjects for this "column". After months of attempting to share ways to devalue your enjoyment of your computer, I was running out of methods to employ.Then came the epiphany. well, OK, I first got a cup of coffee, then came the epiphany. I realized that I was limiting the scope of my bad advice.Why just offer really bad advice about computers? Sure, this is basically a technology forum. But that doesn't mean my advice has to be only about technology. I could give really bad advice on.................everything!So from now on, I pledge to offer really bad advice on every topic of interest to a Highlander. Consider my the evil twin to "Ask Andy". Miss Manners with PMS. The Not-So Dear Abby.Need some really bad advice on personal relationships? Ask away. My suggestions for raising your kids. I'm here for you. I dare say there is no topic under sol that I cannot impart my own unsound advice on. A lack of knowledge will not hinder me. Failure to grasp the situation properly? Happens to me all the time. I assure you it will not affect the level of advice I will dispense.And best of all; IT'S FREE...this service is included in the price of your membership fee for the Scot's Newsletter Forums.Please remember: I am a professional. Do not attempt this at home. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest LilBambi Posted February 29, 2004 Share Posted February 29, 2004 Whoa! Jeber ... you must be psychic! I have been thinking of something to revive this topic just a couple hours ago! :)Thanks for reviving it! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
teacher Posted February 29, 2004 Share Posted February 29, 2004 JeberI have too many cars in my driveway. What should I do? The neighbors' driveways are empty because they are gone for the winter. Julia Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pc-tecky Posted February 29, 2004 Share Posted February 29, 2004 Do you have keys to these empty houses? :devil:Do you think they will mind? :whistling:Need I say anymore? o:)Invade the empty homes, after all it's just a temporary thing, well at least until they get back. Make the maxium use of the driveway, and make use of the garages too, if available. For that matter, make maxium use of the empty homes too. When they ask about the high bills, just blame it on how your cat snuck in the unlocked back door and how inhumane it would be just to sit by and do nothing for your cat.But when they go from to to to to , you might want to remain low key and for a few months.But that's just my impressions, and I'm sure Jeber would have more to say about this. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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