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Really Bad Advice


Jeber

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Dear Jeber,I just bought a brand-new '386' computer, and I deleted the operating system since I wanted to use something faster I had around the house to operate it. I thought that the can opener would work fine. I'm having some problems actually attaching it to the computer, however. Some other problems I'm having is my that the printer and camera that I got for the computer don't want to work at all. My friend told me that I should install some "soft-ware", but all that I got with the printer and camera were some stiff disks that look like small frisbies that were very difficult to break, but I could find no "soft-ware". So where should I find this "soft-ware"? By the way, I had to remove the coffee-cup holder to make a place for the can opener. The earlier article was very helpful. I used a chainsaw to remove mine though.

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Atari , this is often a problem with older computers, (e.g. any system built more than 6 hours ago), and can be easily solved if you consider the fact that modern computers are becoming more and more like people. They too have memories and can store tons of data and information. We don't recognize people to whom we haven't been introduced. Computers can't recognize hardware until they've been properly introduced. Do this; host a small party in the room where you keep your computer, situate all your peripheral devices so that they're in a small circle facing one another, and ask each piece of hardware to share a little bit about themselves. Perhaps a short biography...where they were manufactured, who built them, where they were sold, that sort of thing. Offer refreshments (maybe a little power surge) and allow time for mingling. At the end of the day not only will your computer recognize all it's hardware, they'll be best of friends, allies, who would never do anything to cause problems or conflicts within their little community. Oh, and be sure to invite all the hardware's drivers as well. Can't have a truely moving experience without drivers.

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Jeber dude! Man I wanted to thank you for that chipped ice idea for cooling my pc. I tend to consider myself one of those pc enthusiasts and always looking for ways to top those hardware nuts at [H]ardocp. So I did indeed fill my case up with chipped ice and man oh man I got the highest overclock yet that I've ever seen! Ran like a champ for about 5 minutes, but then I started to notice smoke coming out of the case. Windows kind of quit working for some reason....I think it was one of the most recent updates I downloaded from Windows Update though. Anyway with the heavy smoke coming from the case now I came up with a brilliant idea and I'm actually quite proud of myself for coming up with the idea and not having to ask the mighty Jeber for advice....I now have my very own jerky smoker! I always wanted one of them things and now I can make all the beef jerky I can handle! It tastes a little different than the stuff I'm used to eating, but I figure I'll get used to it. Anyway thanks much....sorry for the delayed response getting back. I have to use my old 486 and 2400 baud modem to get online now. It takes a couple of days for a web page to load.... :lol:

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Guest LilBambi
@lilbambi  :lol: i never realized that's what dr. watson was for...  :) (my dad was a sherlock holmes fan and would've appreciated it.)
LOL! :) Sherlock Holmes is great! Have read just about every one out there! I even have many of them in html format that I have the annoying "Peedy" read to me at bedtime :)
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Don't forget to call (using your Neighbor's name) your local Mormon church and inform them that you would like more information about their church. This is a sure-fire way to make sure he'll get more mail (and more visits) than he'll know what to do with :)
Eh, forget the Mormons. Call the Scientologists! :) Wait. Check that. If *he* becomes a scientologist, and he lives next door, and all that you've already said about him, maybe you better not. :lol: dantanabanana
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dbale, welcome to our weird little part of the web. Good point. Stryder is going to need more than a laptop or shovel if his neighbor becomes a philosophical fundamentalist. :lol:

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Well, all I can say to this point is that his philosophies are clashing with my fundamentals...
Ohhhhh, if only I could post the first thought that entered my head when I read this! :o :D :P <_< But then I'd have to ban myself.
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Guest LilBambi
Well, all I can say to this point is that his philosophies are clashing with my fundamentals...
Ohhhhh, if only I could post the first thought that entered my head when I read this! :o :D :P :P But then I'd have to ban myself.
LOL! Good one! <_>
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i wonder if you could tell me if i have a dvd drive in my computer?
Yes, you do. But I could be mistaken. Looks like one from here. :D
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Guest LilBambi
lilbambi - peedy reading at night! now there's a thought!  :D jeber - i tried the pc hardware socialization thingy at work, now a couple of fellows with a white jacket want me to go with them... perhaps to help them with their hardware?  :D mchampfl - i'm sure he will!  pre-requisites seem to be a shovel, ice cubes, water, and (optionally) chain saw - so have those standing by.  :D
Temmu --Yes, I sometimes use AgentToy to read the books I have on local webpages. Easier on the eyes for reading books ;) I read quite a bit as it is and eyes tend to get very tired. :D I am sure they just wanted you to fix their computers at the hospital :D mchampfl --Oh, and don't forget the 8lb paper weights ;)
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jeber - i tried the pc hardware socialization thingy at work, now a couple of fellows with a white jacket want me to go with them... perhaps to help them with their hardware?  :D
No problem. Jeber's Doc, Dr Earle, will certify you as totally sane, and he even takes payments. Dr. Earle was the one that helped Jeber get into the CIA.He is well-known among the philisophical fundamentalists.AND, he has the Really Bad Advise Seal of Approval
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Jeber get into the CIA.
No, no, no. They were our clients. I never worked for them. (deny, deny, deny everything)
a couple of fellows with a white jacket want me to go with them...
Go peacefully...they can get nasty if you resist. You'll like the hospital. I can see Scot's house from here.
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This is definitely a question Jeber needs to answer. He's responsible for so many coffee and soda screen and keyboard sprays, that I lost count. B) ;) ;) :D :)

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jbredmound
Dear Jeber ....I have a little housekeeping matter.  What is the best way to clean my screen?
I am going to try to stand in for Jeber here. To clean your screen, you need to take it carefully from your bowl. Then, attach it to your clip and fire up your butane lighter under it. Once all you have is ash, let it cool, and just rub off the remaining ash.Your screen will only tolerate this treatment a couple of times, so make sure to have an extra screen in your wallet, just in case.So, 30+ years ago, was my wallet a "screensaver"?
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jbredmound, you and I are from the same generation, and probably have some of the same memories of the '60's. Sad to say, I've now been around computers long enough, and away from my old habits long enough, to where when I hear the word "screen", I automatically think "computer screen". All my old hippy buddies are burning me in effigy as we speak!stretchr, if you were indeed discussing computer screens, my consistant attitude is that air is the best cleaner. But not one of those sissy little cans of air. True geeks go to the hardware store (NO, not CompUSA!! A real hardware store) and buy the most powerful shop vac there. Don't worry about bags. You'll never use the suction function. Hook the hose up to the outflow hole and dust off that screen. Have a friend either, 1) hold the computer down while you clean it, or 2) "spot" the computer...follow it's flight so you both can recover the computer once it lands. The shop vac also comes in handy for solving overheating problems for overclockers.

Edited by Jeber
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Okay guys.... Now I am learning about the things I was too naive to know about in the 60s. Let me merge that with the stuff I hear about now in the ...... Wait a minute, how do you refer to this decade..... the zeros?I guess I could ask my students how they refer to this now but I am not sure I really want to know. They might wonder why I would even ask. :)(If you wonder why I edited it, it was the school teacher in me. I used the wrong form of "too" and could not let it stand). :)

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I don't know where else to turn. So I turned up here. I wrote a little script for making searches more convenient, and I wondered how to get the word out to my buddies here at the forum... it is described here: Search HelperBut my real problem is this: I have invented a truly wonderful food that nobody in my family has the courage to try. I'm not getting younger, and I'm afraid that there will be no one left in this world to carry on my midnight snack tradition when I'm gone.Before I tell you what it is, let me ask a question: "Is a tomato a vegetable, or a fruit?"I believe it is classified technically as a fruit.Another question: "It is perfectly acceptable to make a peanut butter sandwich with different kinds of fruit, isn't it?"Peanut butter and strawberry jelly sandwiches are good...So why not Peanut Butter and Tomato sandwiches?They are truly wonderful. The saltiness and creaminess of the peanut butter blends marvelously with the crisp freshness and moistness of the sliced tomato. On toasted wheat bread is best...How can I get people to try it? I am convinced that it is one of the tastiest and healthiest snacks available at midnight over my kitchen sink.And you don't even have to pull the screen out of the aerator of the faucet.

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Guest ComputerBob
i keep getting these annoying 'low diskspace' errors... :lol: any suggestions? ;)
That's an easy one to solve. Your computer's hard drive is mounted too low in your PC's case. Simply move the hard drive up to a higher drive bay. If you don't have a higher drive bay that is open, use duct tape to secure the hard drive to the inside top of the case.Doing this with your RAM will also solve "low memory" errors.
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brucekrymow
So why not Peanut Butter and Tomato sandwiches?
Well, Ben, I must say you are on to something there. I, too am a midnight snacker and thought I would give it a try - lo and behold - it is indeed tastier than you attempted to describe!eatcursor.gif
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Guest LilBambi
LOL @jbredmound!@jeber - overflow hole - so that's what that's for!  LOL!===============okoki need some advice (preferably less destructive than last time, my brother's still upset over the chainsaw thing...)i've found a site to Download The Internet  i'm using a state-of-the-art 9600 baud hayes modem.  ;) i keep getting these annoying 'low diskspace' errors...  :lol: any suggestions?  ;)
Temmu --If ComputerBob's suggestion doesn't work to your liking ... you could always kick back to a 300 or 600 baud modem and you won't see those annoying errors so often ;)
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John Pulliam
jbredmound's on to something here...hire a bi-polar ex-con (NOT white collar) as your neighbor's maintenance man through a third party not traceable back to you. 
wait a sec... *you* are a bi-polar blue-collar ex-con... why don't you do it?? Besides, he'll buy you a cola or something, maybe give you half of his snickers to do it! Isn't that payoff enough?? ;)
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So why not Peanut Butter and Tomato sandwiches?
Well, Ben, I must say you are on to something there. I, too am a midnight snacker and thought I would give it a try - lo and behold - it is indeed tastier than you attempted to describe!eatcursor.gif
Hi Bruce... thanks, man! A convert! My faith is restored! If you build it, they will come.
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wait a sec... *you* are a bi-polar blue-collar ex-con.
You, my good man, are soiling my good name. I will have you know that I am not now, nor have I ever been, blue-collar. I demand an immediate retraction. <_<
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Guest ComputerBob
wait a sec... *you* are a bi-polar blue-collar ex-con.
You, my good man, are soiling my good name. I will have you know that I am not now, nor have I ever been, blue-collar. I demand an immediate retraction. <_<
Jeber, when you're old, you'll be adding "See what I did there?" to the end of lines like that. ;) ;) ;)
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Hey, for all you who are new to Scot's forum, we are offering a mid-week special on bad advice. All for the price of none. Well worth the money. See these reviews from pleased readers;Anon - "What a load of c..." And Anon writes, "What a mess you made of my computer, you moron. I'm gonna..." Lastly, Anon comments, "I just wanted a double latte, and instead I got all this nonsense". This guy/gal Anon is one of my greatest fans, and sure does like to kid around a lot (I hope). Today's Word to the Herd -Are your mouse and keyboard cold to the touch first thing in the morning? Solve this minor annoyance by popping them both in the microwave for not over 6 minutes. Allow to cool slightly if blisters form on first use. Now, isn't that better? <_<

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