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On a lighter note !


abarbarian

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I have recently been forced to seek work along with many other disabled folk here in the wonderful UK. Compared to the folk with advanced Parkinsons disease who are now forced into spending up to three hours a day seeking work I am very fortunate.

 

http://news.sky.com/story/1133509/ms-and-parkinsons-sufferers-told-get-to-work

 

So as I always do as I am told I went looking for work. I sent the following e-mail to the six MP's in my local area.

 

Dear Name of MP,

 

I am currently seeking work and contacting you to enquire if you have any vacancies.

 

Although I have not been in paid employment for some time I have spent my time voluntary driving tens of thousands of miles over a fourteen year period for the North West Ambulance Service and Community Transport South Lakeland.

 

I have also done a great deal of research into Open Source computing and have been using a variety of Linux operating systems as my main operating system for ten years.As I know the government is committed to open source software I feel that this may be of use to you.

 

As I am not up to date with Health and Safety regulations or Employment Insurance constraints I feel obliged to inform you that I do have some long term health issues and have attached a letter from my doctor detailing some of them.

 

I have also attached my current CV.

 

Thank you for your time and I look forward to your reply.

 

All of them sent a reply. Five told me they had no vacancies and one told me they had vacancies and gave me the opportunity to apply for the post.

Four of the no vacancies were standard stock replies which I assume were dealt with by assistants this did not surprise me as MP's are busy folk with more important matters to deal with. Still it was nice to see that they had the decency to reply.

 

Here is the reply from the MP who actually read my plea.

 

 

Dear Mr Barbarian,

 

Many thanks for writing. I'm interested to read of your employment

history and imagine that your voluntary driving work must have been an

extraordinarily rewarding experience.

 

Your expertise is clearly in the field of IT and operating systems,

and thus I fear we would not have any work available that would suit

your needs, however we shall definitely keep your details on file and

will be in touch should things change. Meanwhile very best of luck

with your job search and, should I hear of anything suitable for you,

I shall be in touch.

 

With best wishes,

 

Rory

 

 

 

Rory Stewart MP

Penrith and The Border

www.rorystewart.co.uk

 

 

I thought that was a very decent reply. I will be contacting Rory again regarding open source as he seems to be a nice sensible chap.

 

An here ................. wait for it..................... is the reply detailing a possible opening. Funnily enough this is from my very own MP.

 

 

Dear Barbarian,

 

Thank you for your email. Tim has asked me to reply on his behalf. The local Liberal Democrats are currently recruiting for telelphone interviewers, working casual evening shifts of 2.5 hours, typically on a Monday evening. The pay is £7 per hour. I have attached a copy of the job description and person specification.

 

If you'd like to apply, please could you send me a brief covering letter explaining why you're interested in the role and how you feel your skills and experience meet the person specification?

 

With best wishes,

 

Andy

 

 

 

 

On 29 October 2014 16:54, Tim Farron MP <tim@timfarron.co.uk> wrote:

 

 

So naturally I replied,

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Dear Andy

Thank you for your reply and the chance to apply for the Telephone Interviewer vacancy.

I think that I have all the skills needed for the position and have relevant experience in those areas.That is apart from " Prior experience of recording information on electronic databases. D" though I did maintain a database of clients on a WordStar 95 when running my own business.

 

I do have IT skills in Microsoft operating systems XP and 7.My main area of interest and experience lies in linux operating systems and have run Arch linux as my main workhorse for five years. I am self taught so I do have some gaps in my knowledge base.

My experience of telemarketing is limited, consisting of several months fund raising part time for Barnardos Homes.This was while I was setting up Dragon Defence Training and does not show on my CV.

Voluntary driving for Community Transport South Lakeland and the North West Ambulance Service involved regular lengthy trips of several hours with a wide cross section of society. So I have had to learn how to get along with all sorts of viewpoints in a polite and professional manner.

I do have a long standing interest with politics and have voted in every general election since I left school. Over the years I have voted for all the main parties. However since I moved to the lakes I have voted for the Liberal Party. Mainly for the sterling work done in trying to keep a decent NHS service in the local area.While I may not be a dyed in the wool party member I think my idea of what a decent country should be like is similar to the Liberal Democrats.

Thank you once again for giving me the opportunity to apply for the vacancy.I have attached a copy of my CV to this e-mail.

Mr A Barbarian.

I would have replied sooner but as the attached screenshot shows even though I am only three miles out of Kendal my broadband speed for the majority of the weekend was barely half that dial up speed. While this did allow me to be on the internet I could not open my Gmail account or almost any site at all due to requests timing out.

 

 

Here is the screenshot I sent with the application.

 

speedtest02112014.png

 

An twelve hours later,

 

 

 

Hi Barbarian,

 

Thank you for your email and the enclosed application. Don't worry about the delay, these things happen!

 

Would you be free to come into the office for a chat sometime this week? We're open between 9 and 5 during the week. If not, we'll be here on Monday night till 8pm (as that's when we do the phoning).

 

I hope to hear from you soon.

 

Thanks, Andy

 

 

I may have shot myself in the foot here. I may have to take up employment.What a conundrum.

 

So will I have a job by tomorrow ??

 

:Smiley-IPB-400: :breakfast: :Smiley-IPB-400:

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:hysterical: :hysterical: :hysterical: So you may be shotfooting it into the office for 18.50St per shift ..Dribble a bit and pick your nose and you may retain your freedom yet :hysterical: :hysterical: :hysterical:
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V.T. Eric Layton

Hmm... maybe I should write to some of my politicos and see if they'd have a place for me somewhere in there entourages. You never know, eh?

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Hmm... maybe I should write to some of my politicos and see if they'd have a place for me somewhere in there entourages. You never know, eh?

 

I recon it was mentioning open source that swung it. An me red hot CV of course. :Laughing:

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£6.50 is the Minimum Wage here in the UK. Telesales is almost the bottom of the barrel job wise. However taking a job puts me in a more favourable position and theoretically I should end up a few, very few pounds better of. At the least it will stave of the social security demons.

I have a cunning plan in mind aswell. :pirate: Twenty years ago I was earning £300 pounds a day and on a few occasions £500 per day. Oh how fallen from grace are the mighty. :breakfast:

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Twenty years ago I was earning £300 pounds a day and on a few occasions £500 per day. Oh how fallen from grace are the mighty. :breakfast:

 

What were you *A Plumber *

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I set up with my sleeping partner a small company called Dragon Defence Training, DDT for short our moto was "DDT helps get rid of pests". We specialised in designing and presenting courses for companies whose staff were by nature of their work placed in a position of vulnerability. This could be in the form of threats of violence or actual physical assault.We also offered specialised courses for clients whose staff had suffered very serious assaults and death as a result of an assault. One of the main aims of these courses consisted of "spirit raising" which is the best way I can describe it in a few words.

We were the first trainers in the country to offer both a physical and verbal set of components.Most trainers either offered one or the other.With the majority of the physical training on offer being very basic suitable perhaps as a first lesson for a street fighter and more complex techniques that are pretty impressive to look at but difficult to perform without long term training.

We designed our techniques around simple but subtly powerful movements that anyone could pick up and use effectively with a very minimal amount of practice.In addition we concentrated on techniques that would play to the natural strengths of women.

I am quite chuffed that we set this enterprise up in the middle of the worst economic recession the Uk has ever experienced.

 

:breakfast:

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Wow, impressive!

 

Is it that scary where you live (assault wise)?

 

Well compared to the states where folk have guns, an some of them have arsenals that a small country would love to own, here in the UK we live in a comparatively non scary country.

However as in all communities there are bad folk and bad things happen. In a small community these events become huge and impact on the population in a fairly unnatural way. Over here we seem to have a peculiar attitude to self defence and a lot of folk mistakenly think they do not need any self defence training. The opposite is of course true no matter where you live you need to have the skills to be able to defend yourself.Self defence covers a lot of ground and is not restricted to physical techniques. Mental techniques are a very important factor and are very underrated and mistaken.

As an example. Most of the courses we ran were made up of female participants. On talking to a group for the first time the women would be very wishy washy in their approach. Often commenting that they did not feel or think that they could cause anyone physical harm even to protect themselves.

However when asked to imagine that they were in a position to defend one of their own children, these mild mannered women would turn instantly into a frightening horde of vicious and ruthless killers.

So there you have lesson one. When faced with danger imagine that you must survive for the sake of your children.

This technique taps into the primordial instincts both of men and women, is easy to practice, and most effective.

 

I probably have not described things in a very elegant way above, but it is over twenty years since I have had to do so and am a tad rusty. I hope you get the general concept though. I could rattle on for days about self defence and probably bore you all to death so I will end here. :breakfast:

Edited by abarbarian
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Now that was a really valuable occupation . Well done mate.

 

I was bullied a lot at school .One day the father of a friend gave me a book on Ju-Jitsu.. It wasn't long before I (in sheer terror) turned the biggest bully head over heels onto the flat of his back .

 

Peace after that .

 

Self defense ROCKS

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abarbarian, what martial art(s) did you study?

 

http://www.howardgibbon.com/Chee-Soo.html

 

Lee Family Style Chinese Health Arts run by Chee Soo. In the video at the bottom of the page Chee Soo is taking centre stage with Desmond Murray who eventually took over the club,both of them were held in high regard in the UK by the top masters of every style.They both were very well regarded in China too. I trained with both of them.Howard was one of Chee Soo's five top students.

In the video you will see me, named in the list incorrectly as ERIC.I was quite touched when I found the clip a decade or so ago.

Happy days.

:Laie_95:

Edited by abarbarian
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  • 3 weeks later...

Well I got the job. I have just finished my third stint manning the phones.

 

So as I had so successfully infiltrated the outer defences, on week two I started my master plan.

 

I have been collecting linux in use articles for ages so I did a quick look at the archive to find suitable ammunition to fire the first salvo. Choosing the right ammunition would I felt be a critical factor in a successful campaign.

 

Now what grabs almost every ones attention worldwide ? Space exploration, an almost politically neutral subject and one that virtually every child has dreamt of and that grabs the attention of adults.

In particular the ISS which gets major coverage in the media over here and Patrick Moore with Steven Hawking.

 

My plan is to find linux articles that will make MP's think and question.The trick is to make them want more information before landing a killer strike.

Opening articles found I copied the written part of the articles to Kingsoft, headed them with the url of the relevant web page and made the article heading large and bold. Then I printed them and sorted them in a particular order, as shown in the links below.

 

http://www.muktware....rce-planet/2111

 

http://www.extremete...ved-reliability

 

https://www.linux.co...efforts-at-nasa

 

http://www.real-user...th-open-source/

 

Now the opening sentence of the first article reads,

 

NASA, like many mega organisations uses Free Software or Open Source due to the uncountable advantages it has over the proprietary technologies.

 

The opening sentence of the second article reads,

 

The United Space Alliance, which manages the computers aboard the International Space Station in association with NASA, has announced that the Windows XP computers aboard the ISS have been switched to Linux. “We migrated key functions from Windows to Linux because we needed an operating system that was stable and reliable.”

 

I added a note to the article, " The folk in the USA love their astronauts so you can be sure that the clever folk at NASA deliberated deeply before they took the decision to oust Windows for Open Source"

 

The third article was chosen for this the second paragraph of the article,

 

 

Eshagh says that the idea behind the NASA code site is to highlight the Linux and open source projects at NASA. "We believe that the future is open," he says. Although NASA uses a broad array of technology, Linux is the default system and has found its way into both space and operational systems. In fact, the websites are built on Linux, the launch countdown clock runs on Fedora servers, and Nebula, the open-source cloud computing project, is Ubuntu based. Further, NASA worked with Rackspace Hosting to launch the OpenStack project, the open source cloud computing platform for public and private clouds.

 

Which leads us to the opening body blow, the fourth article. Now there are probably better articles I could have used but I wanted to pose a question with that particular article. Which was " Why in the homeland of Microsoft did a government agency not use Windows products ?"

 

I did not expect anything to happen as a result of handing in the articles to Tim Farron's office. However I had a letter sent from the House of Commons (seat of gov uk). An here it is,

 

timsreply.png

 

This week I sent in eleven articles all but one concerning the adoption of linux by the USA Military.

 

Nothing stirs a true englishman more than matters concerning the military. I'll see what happens next.

 

:whistling: :pirate: :whistling: :Laughing: :breakfast:

Edited by abarbarian
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You gotta love that your MP actually reads what you send him and comments about it.

 

Not just commented on them. He has written to the Minister for the Cabinet Office (a top posting in our government) questioning the extent of the use of open source in government and will its use be expanded.

He will be obliged to give Tim a full reply to his query.

 

:clap: :pirate: :clap:

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Once you get that ministry clark position, maybe you could use an assistant. Keep my posted.

 

Will do. However you will need a proper english dictionary :Laughing:

 

abarbarian, amazing. quite the accomplishment, even if it is only what you've done so far! good job!

 

Why thank you. :hug:

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V.T. Eric Layton

Clark - surname, from common Middle English alternative spelling of clerk(n.). In many early cases it is used of men who had taken minor orders.

 

I used the right word.

 

Besides, I have this book...

 

13757946906976d04902162b70e119c293c1d62fe0fe5-mediumoriginalaspectdouble.jpg

 

What more could I possibly need?

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What more could I possibly need?

 

A recent edition, say the 2014 rehashed version.

:harhar:

Mind you that would not help you with your grammar, " Keep my posted." in the UK would be " Keep ME posted.".

 

:tease:

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V.T. Eric Layton

A recent edition, say the 2014 rehashed version.

:harhar:

Mind you that would not help you with your grammar, " Keep my posted." in the UK would be " Keep ME posted.".

 

:tease:

 

Ah.... missed that the first time.

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Ah.... missed that the first time.

 

Easy to do it is a complex language. :teehee:

 

With any luck at all at all you'll be getting a better position out of all your stirling efforts.

 

Yeah I might get the comfy chair. :shifty:

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grammar (grand ma)

 

sorry... i know it's a bit of a stretch...

 

was poking fun at the language usage corrections... :D :P

 

Right a bit of a stretch but I can see that.

 

I am just sticking it to Eric as he recons to be a wordsmith. The odd poke keeps him on his toes :Laughing:

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I'm the most literate person I know. ;)

 

An I have read some of your fine scribblings, they make mine look like the scratchings of a couth barbarian. :hug:

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